I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
