she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
