apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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