I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
