I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize