So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
