Christians are straight up FREAKS
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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