I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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