I wish life had little blips of pornography
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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