I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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