I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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