think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
