no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
