Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
