So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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