he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You ate ashes out of my bong
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize