so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
3pm strippers are depressing
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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