he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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