so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize