we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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