hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i came on her dog
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
