Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
