btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
