Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
