So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
