Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
