girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
