im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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