first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
