why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
