I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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