she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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