Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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