You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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