Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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