That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
its not stalking. its research.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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