My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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