Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
