i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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