the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
