dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
