I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
