he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
