Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize