Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Acid is not a monday night drug
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
