Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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