hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
