My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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