ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
