As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize