Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
