Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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