Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
