are you so shy because you have an std?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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