I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
