He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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