And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
