dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
