Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
wow bdsm is so cute
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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