Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Come on in and take your pants off
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