she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Damn victory sex feels great
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