the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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