I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
