How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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