I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
