The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
