Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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