I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
